Choosing Personal vs Traditional Wedding Vows
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You imagined a scene from a movie, where you look into each other’s eyes and eloquently declare your love and commitment to each other in front of all your family and friends. However, your fiance is nervous about his writing skills, and the thought of wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of 200 guests makes him anxious. What should you do? Traditional vows take the pressure off writing and public speaking, But let’s say you want more than an “I do” from each other. Wedding vows are one of the most important parts of your wedding day, and making the decision between using traditional vows vs. writing your own is a big one! Sometimes, couples aren’t even in agreement as to which is the better choice for their wedding day.
The Case for Traditional Wedding Vows
If you are married in your home church, or by your own pastor, it’s likely that you will be required to use wedding vows that have been determined by your church. In faith-based weddings, there is a beautiful weight given to these vows, just like in any of the shared prayers or commitments of the church. There is deep and powerful meaning in repeating the words or pledging the same things that your parents and grandparents professed on their wedding day.
These vows are shared with your entire faith community and can be every bit as emotional as custom vows. The important thing is that they matter to you.
Traditional wedding vows do not have to be faith-based. You may find unity in using vows that have been traditionally used throughout any community in which you find meaning and purpose.
The Case for Personal Wedding Vows
The biggest case for custom wedding vows is that they’re unique to you. They come straight from the heart, and can be whatever you feel best will define your marriage going forward. Straight from the heart doesn’t have to mean deep and emotional (though I do love those professions); if you and your soon to be spouse are goofy and silly, your vows can be as well.
Custom wedding vows don’t include anything that isn’t fitting for your marriage. The only time I really don’t like traditional wedding vows is when I the couple mentions how they don’t care for a part of those vows, but they’re saying it anyway. You have so many options for how your wedding day will go down, don’t bring words that will have a negative meaning or feeling to you into it.
Consider the Public Speaking
If one of you are afraid to stand up and read your personal vows, then the traditional vows may be the route for you to go. Some couples edit the traditional vow choice to make the wording fresh and current. Consider this as an option. If you decide to do this, your officiant may want to see your word choice. So again, make sure you do these revisions three weeks before the ceremony to get your officiant’s blessing!
Wedding Vow Options
Thankfully, your wedding vows are not a black and white situation. It doesn’t always have to be one or the other, and you may find that the best vows for your wedding day may be a blend of both traditional and custom vows.
If your faith traditions dictate a formal wedding ceremony and do not allow for custom vows, but you have some things in your heart that you really want to say….say them! Some great options for this are exchanging private vows at a first look, or writing those vows down to exchange and read before walking down the aisle. In this example, Lauren and Mike decided to exchange personal vows during the first look and traditional vows during the ceremony;
Even in the most formal of ceremonies, your pastor, priest, or officiant may share (at your request) a reflection that may include some custom promises or the story of how you met and fell in love.
Sometimes a couple may not find meaning in traditional vows, but are too nervous to totally take the reigns on their wedding day. Your officiant may have some options of modern or semi-unique vows they have used at other weddings that are more to the taste of the couple.
Considering Your Wedding Film
Traditional versus Personal Wedding Vows is a conversation we have with every one of our clients during their consultation before the wedding day. We typically favor our clients to do personal vows or a personal love letter to each other. By doing so, we craft a film around the emotion and love you share for each other that is expressed through your promise to each other. This allows us to use words and dialogue that are unique to the two of you and your relationship. No two love stories are ever the same and we want to ensure your unique love story is told in your wedding film.
For couples who choose not to exchange personal vows during the ceremony, we still want to craft a wedding film using your own words to tell your love story. To do this, we often record a reading of personal letter or message or private vow during the early part of your wedding day. During the post production process, our team eloquently blends those private recordings with the other soundbites captured throughout the day and designs a film that is not only visually appealing but also tells a great story.
You’ll Cry Either Way
The vow exchange is one of the most emotional parts of the wedding day regardless if you repeat the vows after your officiant or whether you decided to write your own personal vows. So keep a handkerchief or a Kleenex available! Just remember, there is no right or wrong decision when it comes to vow choice. It comes down to how you feel as a couple and what makes you happy and comfortable.
If you decided on Personal Vows and need some tips on how to get started, Click Here.